Rules vs. Roles as a Family
We all have different types of families, and a specific role that we play in our family. For my family, my father was always the provider, and my mother was always the nurturer. And me and my siblings all played our rule. My older brother, the oldest sibling, was great at 'teasing' his sisters mercilessly and making comments to remind us how much boys would 'disappoint' us in the future. My sister, the middle child, was great at having a 'grumpy' teenage disposition, but always got her work done and had perfect grades. And I was great at being the overly emotional and 'spoiled', youngest child.
However, besides these typical stereotypes we also had our roles of the peace maker, the happy child, the wisest, and so on and so forth. But the truth is, we all play a specific role in our family and may not even realize it. Sometimes these roles can become a force of habit, so that even as adults, when we come back to visit our families we revert back into these roles of habit. Some people don't like the role played, others loved their role. If you are with those who did't like their role, make a change.
Now what is it that causes us to fall into these roles, you may ask? A big part of it is our very genealogy. As we look back at our pasts, we realize that their often trends that follow through our families. A friend of mine once noticed some very negative trends that were clear to see in his family tree. He noticed that in his family everyone joined the military. But he also noticed, many of them became angry and violent and would leave or neglect their families, leading their children to have lack of parental supervision, allowing them to get into all kinds of trouble with drugs and alcohol. This would then lead those troubled children to have built up feelings of anger and violence, which led them to join the military, which then triggered the repeat of the never ending cycle.
It's the choices we make, and the environment we have in our homes that can help to change these less than ideal family cycles. In simple terms, there are three types of homes. The cinder block fenced off home, or in other words a closed off home. These are the homes where families try to shut everyone and everything out to protect their families. Although this is not a horrible idea, it can be dangerous and lead children to be under-prepared to face the world when they grow up and leave home.
The second type of home is what we would call, and open home. Where you leave your doors unlocked, you have no fences and you allow people to come and go from your home. There is little structure and pretty much anything goes. Although these homes can often be looked at in first glance with admiration, they can turn very dangerous very fast. They can lead children to not have a safe environment to grow up in, and can lead them to have unrealistic expectations at school, work, and other places in society.
The third home, would be the ideal home, the picket fence home. They are more than open to friends and experiences, but they do have their boundaries. You can come in the gate to visit, but by the end of the night you have to leave so the family can happily go to be safe and sound. They embrace experiences, but they have rules in place to keep them safe.
The question we have to ask ourselves is; are we willing to make the sacrifices it takes to have the ideal home environment to keep our families safe, and to avoid following negative trends that run in our families? What are you willing to change?
However, besides these typical stereotypes we also had our roles of the peace maker, the happy child, the wisest, and so on and so forth. But the truth is, we all play a specific role in our family and may not even realize it. Sometimes these roles can become a force of habit, so that even as adults, when we come back to visit our families we revert back into these roles of habit. Some people don't like the role played, others loved their role. If you are with those who did't like their role, make a change.
Now what is it that causes us to fall into these roles, you may ask? A big part of it is our very genealogy. As we look back at our pasts, we realize that their often trends that follow through our families. A friend of mine once noticed some very negative trends that were clear to see in his family tree. He noticed that in his family everyone joined the military. But he also noticed, many of them became angry and violent and would leave or neglect their families, leading their children to have lack of parental supervision, allowing them to get into all kinds of trouble with drugs and alcohol. This would then lead those troubled children to have built up feelings of anger and violence, which led them to join the military, which then triggered the repeat of the never ending cycle.
It's the choices we make, and the environment we have in our homes that can help to change these less than ideal family cycles. In simple terms, there are three types of homes. The cinder block fenced off home, or in other words a closed off home. These are the homes where families try to shut everyone and everything out to protect their families. Although this is not a horrible idea, it can be dangerous and lead children to be under-prepared to face the world when they grow up and leave home.
The second type of home is what we would call, and open home. Where you leave your doors unlocked, you have no fences and you allow people to come and go from your home. There is little structure and pretty much anything goes. Although these homes can often be looked at in first glance with admiration, they can turn very dangerous very fast. They can lead children to not have a safe environment to grow up in, and can lead them to have unrealistic expectations at school, work, and other places in society.
The third home, would be the ideal home, the picket fence home. They are more than open to friends and experiences, but they do have their boundaries. You can come in the gate to visit, but by the end of the night you have to leave so the family can happily go to be safe and sound. They embrace experiences, but they have rules in place to keep them safe.
The question we have to ask ourselves is; are we willing to make the sacrifices it takes to have the ideal home environment to keep our families safe, and to avoid following negative trends that run in our families? What are you willing to change?
Comments
Post a Comment