Parenting - The Purpose
Parenting is a very beautiful opportunity and privilege. Sadly, in today's world it is often overlooked or is simply dismissed as difficult and not worth while. But, in class this week we discussed some wonderful ideas of how to deal with some of the 'difficult' parts of parenting, such as discipline and teaching. And the purpose of parenthood.
Some of the purposes our class came up with were as follows:
1. Learning to become like God
2. Responsibility
3. You can begin to change the world, based on how you raise the children in your home
4. Support Network
5. Physical Safety
6. Own Community
7. Disciple Training
8. Sense of Belonging
After listing off these purposes and benefits of being parents we addressed the two main ways the world teaches us the parent:
1. Reward
2. Punishment
Although these can sometimes sound reasonable and like they make sense they are actually incorrect ways of parenting. There is a better way to approach teaching and disciplining children that will not only bless your lives but also theirs.
The first thing parents need to keep in mind when trying to raise their children in respect. Which means you treat someone with dignity and trust. Often times we dismiss respect for our children, and just try to give them the quickest answer so they'll leave us alone, "Because I said so." We need to respect our children enough to be willing to help teach them. And here are the steps:
1. Be polite in your request - when you are bossy or have an angry tone the child immediately is put on edge or is intimidated and won't really retain what you're trying to teach them.
2. Use and "I feel..." statement so they understand what the problem is. If they aren't keeping their room clean, then you simply need to start by saying, "I feel frustrated when you don't clean up your room. It makes me feel like you don't care about the room we've given you or your things. I would really appreciate it if we could come up with a plan to help you keep it clean. Would that be alright?" You need to be real with them but not demeaning or disrespectful.
3. If they ignore you time and time again you can be more firm, not angry, but firm. A great example my teacher used was when his son had said some really hurtful things to his mother. His son was dating this young lady and was really into her, so he approached the situation this way, "How would you feel if I spoke to your girlfriend this way?" He then let his son respond and then replied, "Exactly, that's how I'd feel, and that's how you just spoke to MY girlfriend." His son then got the point and went and apologized to his mother.
4. Logical consequences. There need to be logical consequences for the mistakes children make. If they aren't taking care of their phone, you don't spank them. You simply make clear rules with them in the beginning, like, if they throw their phone at the wall, it get's taken away for a day. Then the parent needs to follow through on this rule that they set with the child, so the child doesn't have surprise rules popping up that they didn't know there were.
However, there are three exceptions to when parents may need to put their foot down just a bit and those are:
1: If the activity is too dangerous
2. If the child is trying to go too far, like them not wanting to go to school when their 13, and allowing them to not go to school until they learn the consequences when their 30.
3. If it will hurt others
When we really try to communicate with our children and respect them, disciplining and learning will go so much better and will help to strength your relationships with one another.
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