Distortions - The lies that lead to Infidelity
This week in class was very interesting to me. I walked away with many questions and many new insights. In today's society we have a problem. A problem of infidelity. People aren't always loyal to their spouses anymore, the world has become filled with silver lined distortions causing confusion and havoc on marriages.
Why would this be? It's because we have distorted so many other things about healthy relationships and how we get attached to people. In the RAM model there are five forms of attachment: Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, Touch. In a healthy relationship a person should build these five things in that order. They should know the person first, and get to know them really well. As they get to truly know them, trust begins to fall into place, followed by relying, and so on. However, in today's society we have gotten it out of wack and backward. Often times touch is one of the very first models that is developed. On average a junior in college will go on one date, but have three hookups within a year.
This is deceptive to the brain. When woman have hookups, they suffer the results of oxytocin in their body. It arouses them and caused them to feel deep feelings of attachment to that person, when in all reality they don't even know that person. This has led to many unhealthy and unstable relationships that lead to heart break.
But it is not only the way we walk into relationships misguided that lead us to unfaithful and unfulfilling relationships. We live in a world filled with distortions. They can be emotional, visual, and sexual. What are these distortions and where are they found? The truth is they can be accessed and found anywhere today, especially with all the technology around, you can get almost anything with just the click of a button. These distortions include things like, pornography, fantasy, relationships with friends and family, music, movies, books, advertisements, social media, and a whole lot more.
Today if you are having trouble with your spouse, it is so easy to contact someone and vent about it without much effort. You can simply text someone, call someone, message someone on social media, you don't even have to leave the house anymore. Although having these technological advances is beneficial in some areas, it can also be very dangerous. Due to social media sights and dating websites and such, so many people have been able to reconnect online with someone they had an attachment to in their past. Though their intention may not be to have an affair, they are walking on dangerous ground, because your body and brain are wired to remember those connections and they can easily be rebuilt, remembered, and re-embraced.
It has been proven that woman cannot be attached to more than one man at a time. If a woman is frustrated with her husband because they are going through a rough patch and she turns to someone else just to talk and let out her feelings, her attachment is being built with that other party, and her relationship with her husband is being neglected and forgotten.
It's not always so black and white looking at times though. It is much easier to fall into temptations and put one's self in a dangerous situation than they think. Some activities such as hobbies with friends may seem harmless, but you're building a connection with them, and if things start to shrink into a smaller group people will open up more and share more, and if the spouse isn't there, you're building attachments to the wrong people.
Another common way to fall into this trap is our nature to want to help people. Today we have many mental illness's and many tough things to deal with, it's hard not to go through and entire day and have someone want to vent about what's on their mind or what tough thing they're going through. Naturally we want to listen, we want to help, but as we listen and as we try to comfort them we are building an emotional attachment for ourselves and for them. Emotional attachments are just as dangerous as physical attachments. Once you have that emotional attachment, physical barriers begin to break down. First you could have just rubbed their shoulder to comfort them, next time you hold their hand, then it turns to hugging them while they cry, and then it can quickly begin to transition into a steady downfall from their.
We need to proceed in our relationships outside of marriage with extreme care. If you want a happy and successful marriage without infidelity we need to make sure we become one with our spouse. We need to make sure that we council with them, that we turn to them, and that we take the time to work things out with them. We need to make sure we're building the appropriate attachments to the right people. Not carelessly building attachments to anyone and everyone.
Sources:
file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Lauer%20&%20Lauer,%20Chapter%2004%20(1).pdf
https://latterdaysaintmag.com/characteristics-of-healthy-and-unhealthy-sexuality-in-marriage/
https://latterdaysaintmag.com/raising-the-bar-on-intimate-relationships/
file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Making%20a%20Love%20Connection-1%20(1).pdf
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/a-parents-guide/title-page?lang=eng
Why would this be? It's because we have distorted so many other things about healthy relationships and how we get attached to people. In the RAM model there are five forms of attachment: Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, Touch. In a healthy relationship a person should build these five things in that order. They should know the person first, and get to know them really well. As they get to truly know them, trust begins to fall into place, followed by relying, and so on. However, in today's society we have gotten it out of wack and backward. Often times touch is one of the very first models that is developed. On average a junior in college will go on one date, but have three hookups within a year.
This is deceptive to the brain. When woman have hookups, they suffer the results of oxytocin in their body. It arouses them and caused them to feel deep feelings of attachment to that person, when in all reality they don't even know that person. This has led to many unhealthy and unstable relationships that lead to heart break.
But it is not only the way we walk into relationships misguided that lead us to unfaithful and unfulfilling relationships. We live in a world filled with distortions. They can be emotional, visual, and sexual. What are these distortions and where are they found? The truth is they can be accessed and found anywhere today, especially with all the technology around, you can get almost anything with just the click of a button. These distortions include things like, pornography, fantasy, relationships with friends and family, music, movies, books, advertisements, social media, and a whole lot more.
Today if you are having trouble with your spouse, it is so easy to contact someone and vent about it without much effort. You can simply text someone, call someone, message someone on social media, you don't even have to leave the house anymore. Although having these technological advances is beneficial in some areas, it can also be very dangerous. Due to social media sights and dating websites and such, so many people have been able to reconnect online with someone they had an attachment to in their past. Though their intention may not be to have an affair, they are walking on dangerous ground, because your body and brain are wired to remember those connections and they can easily be rebuilt, remembered, and re-embraced.
It has been proven that woman cannot be attached to more than one man at a time. If a woman is frustrated with her husband because they are going through a rough patch and she turns to someone else just to talk and let out her feelings, her attachment is being built with that other party, and her relationship with her husband is being neglected and forgotten.
It's not always so black and white looking at times though. It is much easier to fall into temptations and put one's self in a dangerous situation than they think. Some activities such as hobbies with friends may seem harmless, but you're building a connection with them, and if things start to shrink into a smaller group people will open up more and share more, and if the spouse isn't there, you're building attachments to the wrong people.
Another common way to fall into this trap is our nature to want to help people. Today we have many mental illness's and many tough things to deal with, it's hard not to go through and entire day and have someone want to vent about what's on their mind or what tough thing they're going through. Naturally we want to listen, we want to help, but as we listen and as we try to comfort them we are building an emotional attachment for ourselves and for them. Emotional attachments are just as dangerous as physical attachments. Once you have that emotional attachment, physical barriers begin to break down. First you could have just rubbed their shoulder to comfort them, next time you hold their hand, then it turns to hugging them while they cry, and then it can quickly begin to transition into a steady downfall from their.
We need to proceed in our relationships outside of marriage with extreme care. If you want a happy and successful marriage without infidelity we need to make sure we become one with our spouse. We need to make sure that we council with them, that we turn to them, and that we take the time to work things out with them. We need to make sure we're building the appropriate attachments to the right people. Not carelessly building attachments to anyone and everyone.
Sources:
file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Lauer%20&%20Lauer,%20Chapter%2004%20(1).pdf
https://latterdaysaintmag.com/characteristics-of-healthy-and-unhealthy-sexuality-in-marriage/
https://latterdaysaintmag.com/raising-the-bar-on-intimate-relationships/
file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Making%20a%20Love%20Connection-1%20(1).pdf
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/a-parents-guide/title-page?lang=eng
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